Youtube Travel Guide: The Virgin Flight

Posted on July 28, 2012

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Hola amigos!

Beautiful! Exotic! Locales! foto@me

I’m still recovering from my Hainan Island beach(-ish) holiday hangover. A sure sign that I am still in vay-cay mood is the rabid, indiscriminate punning. Let’s just say it was too much San, ya?

As it is unlikely that I will be able to take any trips anytime soon, I just have to console myself with ‘tube surfing. One thing I love to do at airports is stand in front of the Departures board and watch the clickety-click of various flight destinations being updated. “Okay, Missy Hotpants,” I’d tell myself (I’m very misogynistic when I talk to myself). “Pick X other destinations you’d rather be travelling to.” I usually try to make sure almost every continent is represented – not so many flights to the Arctic, somehow – and my rule is that I cannot pick the same cities as the ones I picked in my previous airport wait. As far as I can remember, anyway.

Anyhow, it’s all moot, since I, yunno, DON’T HAVE MONEY TO TRAVEL EVERYWHERE I WANT but luckily for me, I can jet around on Youtube without similar constraints. I will however apply the rule for not picking the same vid/ band twice.

And so.

Youtube Travels, Part 1: Scandinavian Scandals, Mostly.

Length of vacation: 7 days

Departing from: Flunk’s “Morning Star”

Reason for travel: My current fav band!

City guide: Well, I already know this, but “Morning Star” is nothing but Scandinavian. Wake up early (“Morning Star”, duh) and wander around clean, golden-aired streets and stop at a cafe to have a smoked herring and open-faced sandwiches for breakfast. Buy cool-ass super “design” furniture, smile at blonde people and say words with lots of plosive consonants.

Number of days recommended: 3 out of 7 days.

Next destination: The Grates “Turn Me On”

Reason for travel: I liked the thumbnail pic of the mv – black & white, plus a girl portrait.

City guide: This song seemed too recognisable in style and hook, but there were moments of interest. The driving beat in the opening, for example, was really exciting. This is the kind of place that’s Paris-like; if you go as a typical tourist your experience could be full of stereotypes and meh tourist-brochure-style sightseeing. If you know a local, though, you could have a super fuggin cool time.

Number of days recommended: 2 out of 7 days.

Next destination: The Cult “Painted On My Heart”

Reason for travel: Love the title and band name.

City guide: Uh, uh, uh… hair metal. I can’t… I just… Look, I’ll just see it from the airport, okay? Although, as luck would have it, this is cruise-ship fodder. Have a prawn cocktail and sit awkwardly in a tiny “swimming” “pool” while your dad and uncles feed coins into the jackpot machine.

Number of days recommended: 0.5 out of 7 days.

Next destination: Eppu Normaali “Joka päivä ja jokaikinen yö”

Reason for travel: Because it’s Joka päivä ja jokaikinen yö! I mean, right? Plus, I wanted something exotic after cruise shipping.

City guide: Oh man… It’s not bad, but… It’s the same cruise ship, only going to somewhere super cool-sounding. Little did you suspect that when you got there, the port authorities commanded you to stay on the ship. Blackjack, anyone?

Number of days recommended: 0.5 out of 7 days.

Travel Guide Note: Eppu Normaali is Finland’s top-selling rock band. And the Youtube page is full of sentences like this: yksi parhaista artisteista. loistavat sanat! (Which Google Translate tells me means “One of the best artists. Great words!”)

Next destination: Ultra Bra “Sinä lähdit pois”

Reason for travel: Because I cup not resis tit.

City guide: Well, it’s kinda a cutesy city, really touristy – seriously, the melody could be a jingle – but pretty fun and good for a laugh, either with or at. And the mv is such a treat. An airplane or several, a Heidi-haired singer, lots of singing earnestly into the mid-distance. It’s beautiful cheese. Who cares about the song anymore? I’m sorry, but this song has to be Singapore.

Number of days recommended:1 out of 7 days.

Travel Guide Note:
1. Ultra Bra started when the lead singer and his friend entered a political song contest.
2. They won with the song “Shoot the commissioners, those mad dogs”.
3. They tried to participate in Eurovision.
4. Twice.
5. “Ultra Bra” means “very good” in Swedish. It is. 

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Travel summary:

Norwayish –> Parisish –> Cruise to Nowhere –> Cruise to Somewhere but no disembarkation –> Finland